


Hugs & Friendships

by Cinaed



Series: The Best of Carolina The Teenage Witch [32]
Category: Red vs. Blue
Genre: Alternate Universe - Sabrina the Teenage Witch Fusion, Awkward Conversations, Developing Friendships, Developing Relationship, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-15
Updated: 2020-01-15
Packaged: 2021-02-27 12:20:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,731
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22267039
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cinaed/pseuds/Cinaed
Summary: Church decides to inflict Caboose and Tucker upon Leonard. It doesn't go how he expects. Meanwhile, Wash asks Carolina a question and she realizes she doesn't know the answer.
Relationships: AI Program Epsilon | Leonard Church & Lavernius Tucker, Agent Carolina & Agent Washington (Red vs. Blue), Agent Carolina & The Director | Dr. Leonard Church, Michael J. Caboose & Leonard L. Church, The Director | Dr. Leonard Church & AI Program Epsilon | Leonard Church
Series: The Best of Carolina The Teenage Witch [32]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1183436
Comments: 12
Kudos: 47





	Hugs & Friendships

**Author's Note:**

> And here is another episode of Carolina the Teenage Witch! Hope you all enjoy Church being Church.
> 
> The song Church blasts is "A Thousand Forms of Mind" by Mudhoney, from their 1998 album _Tomorrow Hit Today._
> 
> Thanks goes out to Aryashi as always, especially with keeping the pace and flow of this chapter smooth!

Church has vague plans for the night. They mostly involve avoiding homework and playing some video games. That’s until he walks into the brownstone and stops dead.

Leonard and Grey are sitting on the couch, their heads bent over a stack of papers.

For a moment Church second-guesses himself. Maybe it’s a Tuesday and he just got distracted with stuff. Then he mentally shakes his head. It’s definitely Thursday. Which means this is crap.

He drops his backpack and jabs an accusing finger as both Leonard and Grey turn to look at him. There’s a stiffly neutral expression on Leonard’s face, and an amused one on Grey’s. Her expression turns even more amused when Church snaps, “Nope! You can’t just show up whenever you want. That’s not a thing.”

“This is my house,” Grey reminds him.

Church scowls. “It’s not a Tuesday! A little warning would be nice.”

Leonard raises an eyebrow. “Really, it’s not as if I’m a Gentleman of the Hills. I’m not so bound by ritual. And I have better fashion sense.”

Church snorts, not at the sad attempt at humor about fairies, but at the idea of Leonard having fashion sense. He gives Leonard a look, his gaze lingering on Leonard’s stupid boring suit and tie. Irritation makes him grit his teeth. So much for a low-key night of video games. “Too bad you don’t have their allergy to iron,” he mutters. “Seriously, why are you here?”

“Leonard is preparing for his quinquagenary presentation for the academy,” Grey explains cheerfully.

Church squints for a second before he gets it. It’s not a memory, exactly, but sometimes a fact clicks in his head like it’s something he’s always known. The Other Realm’s Academy of Science makes its scientists do a presentation every fifty years to remain part of the academy. It must be time for Leonard to do his.

Leonard adjusts his glasses. “Emily has been generous enough with her time to look over my presentation.”

Church rolls his eyes. “Whatever. You should’ve warned me, because--” He can’t say because just seeing Leonard almost gave him a heart attack. He flounders for a second, and then gets hit with an idea.

He’s been thinking a lot about what Mary Shelley said, when he isn't trying to forget that entire embarrassing conversation ever happened. But he keeps remembering the sincerity in her voice as she wished him luck and friendship. He does have friends. They’re annoying, and Caboose is spending a lot of time with Sheila now, but annoying can be useful. He bets Tucker and Caboose will drive Leonard up the wall.

“Because, uh, I invited some friends over,” he concludes triumphantly.

Leonard’s eyes narrow. “Friends.”

“Yeah, they’ll be here, uh, any minute,” Church says, and sidles around to the kitchen, giving the couch a wide berth. He ignores Grey’s amused look. Once he’s there, he does a hasty anti-eavesdropping spell and calls Caboose.

“Hello!” a voice bellows in his ear. Everyone in the Caboose home talks in an enthusiastic shout, and Church’s still unprepared. He rubs at his ear as the voice asks, “Who do you want?”

“Uh, Caboose.”

There’s a beat of silence, and Church has just realized he should clarify he’s looking for her brother before there’s a loud sigh, and then an even louder, “MICHAEL, ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS WANTS TO TALK TO YOU.”

“Hello!” Caboose says a minute later, cheerful and curious.

“Hey, Caboose, it’s me--”

Church stops. This time he holds the phone away from his ear as Caboose shouts, “Hi, Church!”

“Yeah, hi. Do you and Tucker want to come over? We can listen to music or watch movies or something. In my room, though, ‘cause my dad’s here.” When there’s another stretch of quiet, Church’s stomach twists. It’s only now, standing here with the phone a half-inch away from his ear, that he thinks maybe this wasn’t a good plan after all. Caboose saw him upset on Halloween, and although he hadn’t asked, his hug had lingered. Plus, Caboose might be busy. He usually is these days, with football and hanging out with new friends and--

He grimaces. “Unless you’re already with someone or, uh--”

“No!” Caboose says quickly. “No, I was just-- I was resting for tomorrow’s game, but we can do stuff. I’ll get Tucker and be right there.” The words are said in an excited rush. Church is still trying to decipher them when Caboose shouts, “MOM, I’M GOING TO--”

There’s a click and the line goes dead.

Church wonders if he should tell Tucker that Caboose is coming, and decides against it. Instead he drops the anti-eavesdropping spell and walks back into the living room. He’s still not sure if this is a good idea after all, but it’s too late now.

“They’ll be here soon,” he announces.

“That’s nice,” Grey says. She gives Church a look. “But be sure to keep Lavernius and Michael upstairs. Leonard has been neglecting his work and doesn’t need any distractions.”

Leonard looks slightly pained. “Really, Emily.”

Church makes a mental note to be as loud as possible.

* * *

Carolina has just finished her cool-down stretches and is reaching for her water bottle when Wash drops down onto the grass next to her. He takes a swig of his own water, fiddling with the cap.

For a second they just sit together, drinking water slowly, Carolina feeling that pleasant exhaustion that comes from a good practice. Sarge is determined to get them to Nationals this year, and Carolina thinks they can do it.

“Want to hang out?” Wash asks, breaking the silence.

When she looks at him, he gives her a small smile and adds, “I didn’t forget about _The Wizard of Oz_. You’ve seriously never seen it?” He raises his eyebrows.

“Seriously,” Carolina says. “The places I lived mostly weren’t up to showing movies while I was there, just rebuilding.” Wash nods after a second, like that makes sense. After that discussion with her dad, though, she’s curious. “As long as I call Grey and do some Spanish first, yeah, we could watch it.”

Wash grins at her. “That’ll take you five seconds. Still can’t believe you got away with taking Spanish when you already know it.” He snorts. “Then again, between you and Sheila, maybe Mr. Lopez doesn’t hate his job so much.”

“Maybe,” Carolina says, grinning. Lopez had almost cried with joy when he realized that Sheila and her sister could speak Spanish fluently. Carolina has seen him talking to Phyllis occasionally when she picks up Sheila. “How’s German going?”

Wash makes a face. “Uh, I’ll scrape together a B somehow.”

When she finishes her water and gets to her feet, she offers Wash a hand.

He takes it. “So, can I convince you to eat some popcorn?”

“You can try.”

* * *

The doorbell rings. Church almost trips down the stairs in his rush to get to it. He catches himself at the last minute, and flushes a little at Grey’s cheerful, “Watch your step!”

Caboose barrels inside as soon as Church opens the door. “Hi, Church! I--” He stops, his arms half-raised for a hug. His eyes go wide as he stares past Church, and Church knows that he’s looking at Leonard.

Caboose is still staring when Tucker pushes at his shoulder and says, “Move, Caboose.”

Caboose shuffles sideways, his attention fixed on Leonard. Church wonders what will happen if Caboose tries to hug him. The thought makes him choke on laughter before he says, “Caboose, Tucker, that’s--”

It’s only as he’s halfway through the sentence that he realizes he’s miscalculated. He stops. His mouth twists a little as he tries to figure out how to say it. It’s the first time he’s had to do a fake introduction for Leonard. “My dad,” he says at last, waving awkwardly.

“Good evening,” Leonard says, his tone neutral.

Church waits for Caboose to yell or Tucker to make some sort of joke.

Instead Caboose keeps staring, and a wide smile spreads across Tucker’s face. “Hello, sir. It’s good to finally meet Church’s dad.”

Church stares between them all with growing frustration and confusion as Leonard inclines his head and says mildly, “Is it?”

“Oh yeah. We’ve definitely been curious about you,” Tucker says, and Church realizes with a stab of irritation that Tucker’s going to be _polite_. He knows that Tucker’s parents raised him to be polite to adults, but he also knows that Tucker is half-impressed by Leonard’s apparent two-timing ways. Church expected the second thing to win out.

Caboose gives himself a big shake and then steps forward too, stopping behind the couch to peer down at Leonard.

“Hello,” he says, and Church feels another stab of irritation when Caboose doesn’t grapple Leonard or drag him into a bone-crushing hug. His hands dangle at his sides. “Hello, Doctor Church. I am Caboose, Church's very best friend that he has probably mentioned a lot. He doesn't mention you at all.”

Leonard’s gaze flicks between Caboose and Tucker. “A pleasure to make your acquaintances.”

“Is it?” Tucker says, still smiling.

“Yeah, everyone loves each other, it’s awesome,” Church says sourly. He taps at Caboose’s shoulder. Time for plan B. When Caboose doesn’t move, Church taps him again, harder, and says, “Come on, guys, we’re gonna listen to music.”

“Oh,” Caboose says, blinking. He finally looks down at Church. His brow furrows a little. “Okay.”

Grey giggles. “Yes, I suppose we should get back to work.”

Church goes upstairs, trying not to stomp. Frustration still makes him grit his teeth. The one time he needs Tucker and Caboose to annoy someone, and they suddenly go polite on him! At least he can give Leonard a headache and enjoy a new album at the same time.

When he gets to his room, he goes straight to his CD player.

“Dude,” Tucker says, but whatever else he says is lost as Church jabs the play button.

Mudhoney’s latest blasts out of the speakers at full volume.

“ _This really feels like flying  
Am I lighter than air?  
Perhaps I'm on the water, floating  
God knows this could be anywhere._”

* * *

Apparently Wash is weird about _The Wizard of Oz_. At the very least, he’s weirdly invested in Carolina’s enjoyment of it. Every time Carolina glances over at him, he’s watching her more than the screen.

“What, is this your favorite movie?” she asks, amused.

“No,” Wash says. He grimaces. “Honestly, the flying monkeys freak me out.”

“Really?”

“They’re creepy!” Wash says, loudly enough that Loki wakes in his lap with an offended noise and blinks up at them. Wash pets Loki apologetically, but Loki won’t be consoled. Instead the cat pads across the couch and curls up on Carolina’s lap.

“Wow, you’ve joined a rare club, Carolina,” Wash’s mom says, looking amused as she walks through the den towards the kitchen. “Loki sits in very few laps. Mostly just Wash’s.”

“Oh,” Carolina says, smiling. She rests a tentative hand on Loki’s head. He headbutts it and she gives him a scratch behind the ears. She feels the purr vibrating under her palm before she hears it, Loki purring so loudly that he practically drowns out the movie dialogue.

Wash goes back to watching, so Carolina focuses on the screen.

The movie’s...fine. Honestly, it’s a little silly, with the singing and the too bright colors and super fake scenery, when it’s not being pretty intense for a children’s movie. Dorothy accidentally murders a witch by dropping a house on her! And Carolina can see why witches threw a fit. There’s an entire song celebrating a witch’s death. That wouldn't have gone over well even with Glinda the Good Witch around.

But Carolina does get invested in Dorothy’s journey to get back to her family. She understands that feeling too well, understands Dorothy wanting things to be back to normal. She wants that for Dorothy too.

Then comes the accident with the air balloon and the Wizard flying away and Glinda the Good Witch floating down and serenely announcing that Dorothy could’ve skipped all the danger by using the ruby slippers on her feet.

“ _What_?” Carolina says, loudly enough that Loki digs in his claws in rebuke. She winces but says, “So the Good Witch just let her--”

Wash shushes her, though he’s laughing a little, apparently amused by the indignation in her face. “Carolina, you’re missing the explanation. It’s not like Glinda sent her off just to kill the Wicked Witch or something. Let me rewind it.”

He has to pause the VHS when Carolina hears the explanation, because Carolina can’t help her indignant, “How does she know Dorothy wouldn’t have believed her? She could’ve tried!”

“Would you have believed her?” Wash asks.

“That’s not the--” Carolina stops. Glinda’s words still feel like an unexpected jab. She’s had enough problems with adults keeping secrets from her, she wasn’t expecting it in the movie. She sinks back against the cushions and sighs. “Maybe. Maybe not.”

She’s quiet through the heartfelt goodbyes and Dorothy’s fervent wish to get back home. She wonders if there was a witch writing the script with that rule of three, or if it’s just that everyone thinks the number three is important.

Then the ending happens.

“It was just a _dream_?”

* * *

Caboose doesn’t actually like grunge. It’s so loud and he never understands what the people are yelling about, and it’s always angry or sad. If he could choose the music, it would be the stuff his sister Naomi listens to, Savage Garden and Jewel and people who sing happy songs with the sad. But he likes that Church and Tucker like grunge, so he listens. Usually he has earplugs though. Tonight he forgot them, so the music is giving him a headache.

Maybe Doctor Grey has some earplugs. “I’ll be right back!” he shouts over the screeching guitar.

When Caboose gets downstairs, though, Doctor Grey isn’t there, just Church’s dad.

Caboose stops at the bottom of the steps.

He stares at Doctor Church, who’s frowning down at his papers. The music is so loud it’s making the walls vibrate, and Doctor Church didn’t look up, so maybe he doesn’t realize Caboose is here. There’s a crease in his forehead, the kind Caboose’s mom gets whenever she’s looking at bills. Caboose opens his mouth to ask if he’s looking at bills, and then shuts it.

He doesn’t know how to feel about Doctor Church.

Doctor Church is Church’s dad, and made him, and that means he made Caboose’s very best friend. But then Caboose remembers the times Church accidentally mentions his dad, the way he gets even more frowny than usual, how he hunches his shoulders like he’s hiding from bad thoughts. So Doctor Church might be good at having awesome kids, but he might be a bad dad.

Which means Caboose doesn’t know what to say to him. He stands there until Doctor Church lifts his head and blinks at him with the same green eyes.

“May I help you?”

His accent sounds a little like Church’s did those first few weeks, except not really.

“Um, I was looking for earplugs.”

Doctor Church looks at him the way people do a lot, like Caboose has said something weird. “Earplugs,” he repeats. Then he glances up. The crease in his forehead smooths out a bit. “Ah. Yes. A little too loud for us both.”

“I usually have my own, but I forgot,” Caboose explains.

“Emily stepped out for a moment to check on a patient, but perhaps you’ll find some in the kitchen in one of the drawers.”

“Okay,” Caboose says. He doesn’t move. He keeps thinking about Church’s splotchy face on Halloween and how he actually leaned into the hug, like he really needed one. Caboose shifts his weight from one foot to the other and then asks, “Did you have a good Halloween?”

Doctor Church’s face goes blank. “What?”

“A good Halloween,” Caboose repeats. “Carolina said she and Church had a family thing.” A thought occurs to him, and he frowns. “Oh, unless their mom...s...visited instead?” He doesn’t think that Church would be upset about his mom. He talks about her even less than he talks about his dad, which is kind of weird, because Doctor Huggins was really nice--

“They didn’t. Visit, that is,” Doctor Church says. When Caboose refocuses, Church’s dad is frowning. He looks almost angry for a second, and then just curious. Caboose still squirms when Doctor Church studies him. Doctor Church's attention is like having two green flashlights shining into your face. “Why do you ask?”

“Uh,” Caboose says, realizing too late that Church probably wouldn’t want his dad to know he was upset. Alarm flutters in his stomach. “Uh…. You see. I asked. Because. Um. Family stuff can be complicated.”

Doctor Church looks even more intense. “And what exactly have....my children said about family stuff?”

“Nothing,” Caboose says. “Church doesn’t talk about you, and Carolina just gets sad or angry.”

Doctor Church’s face goes blank and frozen. It’s not an angry blank, though.

Caboose waits a few seconds, but Church’s dad doesn’t say anything. “I’m going to go back upstairs now.”

He’s halfway up the stairs when Doctor Church says, “Without earplugs?” It’s not the question Church’s dad wants to ask, tension in his voice.

“Yes,” Caboose says firmly. He takes another step and then stops. He looks down at Doctor Church, who’s looking up at him. He wonders if he said too much, or maybe not enough. Then he thinks of Church’s hoarse voice. Families shouldn't be like this. If his dad was still alive, he'd ask his dad to talk to Doctor Church and tell him how to be a good dad. But he isn't. Caboose's chest hurts like it always does when he thinks about his dad too much.

He says, choosing his words carefully, “Doctor Church. They don’t talk about family stuff, but Church is my very best friend and he's good and a good brother and families should be nice to each other.”

He doesn’t wait for a response.

* * *

Loki’s still in Carolina’s lap when the movie ends, despite her being loud. Carolina looks down at him as he curls one paw over his face and starts to do that snuffling snore cats do. She sighs. “I’m not moving anytime soon, am I?”

Wash laughs. “Probably not.” He grins at her. “Are you sure you don’t want a cat? I mean, I call dibs on Loki, but any cat at the shelter is fair game.”

“You have to convince Grey she's a cat person, not me,” Carolina says. She smiles a little, imagining Grey’s reaction to that. “I can’t exactly take a cat around with me when I'm traveling.”

“Yeah, but you’ll be here at least another year and a half,” Wash says. “And you’re gonna visit.” Her expression must change, because Wash blinks at her. The smile fades from his face. “Right?”

“I,” Carolina says, and stops. She hasn’t really thought about what getting back to normal means for her, other than seeing her mom again. Now she realizes that it might mean leaving Westbridge and her friends. Uncertainty tightens her chest. “I don’t know. I haven’t, um. Talked to my parents about it….”

Wash’s face gets complicated. “You haven’t talked about it,” he repeats slowly. “You don’t know if you’re staying through senior year?”

“No, but….” Carolina stops again. Words dry up in her throat. What _is_ she going to do next year? She’ll have her mom back a month into the fall semester, but the idea of packing up and abandoning Wash and Niner and all her other friends sours her excitement. She has friends now, and responsibilities like the track team, and--

And there’s Church. She hasn’t even thought about what getting her mom back means for him. She remembers, the memory like a sudden jab at her stomach, the mirror version taking Church’s money and planning to run. Would Church come with her, if she asked? But he’s still so uncomfortable around her dad, and he’d have to leave Tucker and Caboose, and she can’t see him enjoying traveling to disaster zones.

Carolina has been so focused on her birthday and seeing her mom that she hasn’t thought about what comes next.

“Carolina,” Wash says.

She blinks. Wash is frowning, his eyes searching her face.

“Look, I know your family stuff is...complicated and that you don't want to talk about it, but you can talk to me. It sounds like you need to, if you don't even know where you're gonna be next year. I won’t talk to Niner or anyone about it, if that’s the problem. I’m pretty good with secrets.” He smiles, though it’s stiff at the edges. “You should hear all the dirt I’ve got on Tucker from middle school.”

Carolina is tempted. It would be so good to unload on someone who’s not a witch, like when she talked to Simmons about all the stupid Council rules. But she can’t tell Wash everything, like why exactly her family stuff is so complicated, and giving him half of the story feels wrong.

“Thanks,” she says, and means it. “But, uh, it’s not all my stuff to tell.”

For a second, Wash looks almost disappointed. Then he shrugs, looking down at Loki, who's woken up during the conversation. He rubs his knuckles under Loki’s chin. Loki starts to purr, half-drowning out Wash’s muttered, “Forget I asked.”

Carolina bites her lip, but after a second Wash’s shoulders loosen and he changes the subject.

* * *

The CD finishes the last song and Church turns it off.

They could listen to it again, but Leonard didn’t come up to complain about the noise like Church was hoping, so plan B of annoying Leonard hasn’t worked. Besides, Caboose is doing that squirming thing he does when the music is giving him a headache but he doesn’t want to say anything.

“I’m gonna get some popcorn,” Church says. “I think America’s Funniest Home Videos just started if you want to turn the TV on.” He watches Caboose brighten.

He goes downstairs to find Leonard still bent over his papers, a pen in his hand. Grey’s nowhere around, but maybe she’s finished marking up Leonard’s latest dissertation. Church can see red marks all over the papers even from the bottom of the steps.

Church scowls at the back of Leonard’s head. He can’t believe both of his plans failed to annoy Leonard. He tries to come up with a plan C, but he’s got nothing. Then he spies the way Leonard is tapping his pen against the edge of the coffee table, spots the tension in Leonard’s jaw.

Leonard’s _nervous_.

Church snorts before he can think better of it, and watches Leonard jerk a little, like he hasn’t even realized Church is in the same room. Wow, Plan B _really_ failed. Well, if annoying Leonard with his obnoxious friends and loud music didn’t work, it’s time for Church to fall back on the classic method of annoying Leonard himself.

“Worried about out-nerding the nerds? Don’t worry, you’re definitely the biggest dork in the Other Realm.”

Leonard’s lips go thin. “I see you’ve abandoned subtlety in your efforts to annoy me. Do you actually enjoy that--” He pauses as though searching for the right word. “--music, or were you simply trying to be as exasperating as possible?” There’s a twist of his mouth as he says the word music, as though he doesn’t think grunge fits that description.

“Hey, Mudhoney is awesome,” Church protests. “I mean, their new CD was just okay, like, why add blues to the sound, but the garage influence was pretty cool.”

Leonard stares at him, the irritation replaced by disbelief. “That cannot possibly be the band’s title.”

“Want me to bring the CD down and show you?”

“No,” Leonard says firmly. He looks at Church in that laser-focused way of his, like he can read Church’s mind if he really tries. Church is trying to decide if he should call Leonard out for staring like a weirdo when Leonard says, “I suppose your friends introduced you to the band.”

“Tucker did. Caboose doesn’t like grunge,” Church says. What’s Leonard’s angle? Then he realizes that Leonard asked the question without any doubt coloring the word friends. He squints. It’s his turn to stare at Leonard. “Finally believe I have friends?” The question comes out sharp.

Leonard raises an eyebrow. “I am a scientist. I believe evidence when I observe it first-hand.”

Church snorts. “Doesn’t seem like it.”

Round two of the staring contest begins, with Leonard’s confused, “Pardon?”

Church points at the paper layering the coffee table. “You’re nervous.”

Leonard’s eyes narrow. He straightens, shoulders going stiff, and it would be imposing except Church knows he’s lying when he says, “No, I'm--”

Church doesn’t bother to let him finish. “Save it, I’m smarter than that. Yeah, you’re nervous.”

Leonard frowns at him, and looks like he’s about to keep arguing. Then he shakes his head. “And what does this conclusion of yours have to do with my belief in evidence?”

Church almost laughs. “Dude. You’ve nailed this presentation every time for the past 600 years. The evidence is pretty dang conclusive. And yet…. You’re nervous.”

He’s expecting Leonard to keep being stubborn, but instead Leonard actually sighs. He sounds slightly rueful when he says, “You are somewhat correct. Normally I wouldn’t be concerned about my presentation, but...the last year has… Well. I have been distracted.”

The unexpected honesty takes Church by surprise. He doesn’t know how to react to it. After a second he shrugs and offers an awkward, “Well, you asked Grey’s advice. She won't sugar coat it.” Then he realizes he’s trying to cheer up to Leonard and gets a little annoyed.

Leonard starts to say something, and then stops. His gaze flicks up past Church, his expression rearranging itself into more familiar neutral lines, as a door opens and Tucker shouts down, “If you don’t have popcorn, dude, you can admit it. You don’t have to hide.”

Right, the popcorn. Church is relieved to have an excuse to escape this weird conversation.

“Give me a minute!” he shouts back and then bolts for the kitchen.

He closes the door behind him so he can magic up some popcorn. For a stupid second he actually looks in the cupboard before he remembers there’s an easier way than having to actually throw kernels into the microwave. Carolina’s rubbing off on him if his first instinct is to not use magic. He shakes his head and points his finger.

There’s a flash of blue and then a bowl of popcorn appears on the table.

The smell of butter and popcorn hits his nose, and he grins.

He nudges the door open in time to hear Leonard say, sounding slightly amused, “A fine amateur effort, but you have a lot to learn about talking to people you loathe.”

“Uh,” Tucker says. Church can’t see him, but he sounds startled. “I. I was. That.”

“For one thing, all the subtlety is wasted if your smile reminds your enemy of a lion baring his teeth. Composure is key.”

“Composure?” Tucker says, annoyed now.

Church kind of wants to see their expressions, because maybe that will help him figure out what the hell Tucker and Leonard are even talking about, but he also doesn’t want to interrupt. He just listens as Leonard says, “Perhaps try picturing your target suffering in some way. The situation turning exactly in your favor. I find that smooths over my expressions without becoming too distracting.”

“...Wait, are you giving me _advice_?”

“Adulthood will present you with a great many adversaries. There are few things more satisfying than watching someone have to accept an insult phrased as a compliment.”

Church tries to lean into the living room and get a look at Tucker and Leonard’s faces, because maybe that’ll clue him into what they’re saying. He ends up hitting his funny bone against the door frame instead and yelps, then yelps again as he almost drops the popcorn.

Leonard doesn’t look towards him, but the amusement in his voice is gone as he clears his throat and says, “Now, I need to concentrate on my work.”

“Uh, okay,” Tucker says. He looks as confused as Church feels.

“What was that about?” Church whispers.

Tucker steals the bowl, leaving Church free to rub at his sore elbow as Tucker stuffs a fistful of popcorn into his mouth and mumbles around it, “No clue.”

* * *

The doorbell rings. Caboose sighs the way he always does when it’s time to go, and then hauls himself up off the floor and heads for the door.

Church grabs his forgotten jacket and tosses it at Caboose’s back. “It’s November.”

“It’s, like, 50 degrees outside,” Tucker says, looking amused. “Pretty sure he won’t get frostbite.”

“Whatever,” Church mumbles. He’s been trying to figure out what Leonard was saying to Tucker for the rest of the night, and he still doesn’t get it. Tucker was being annoyingly polite, exactly the way his parents would’ve wanted and exactly the way Church didn’t want him to be. He’s still trying to figure it out when they all get downstairs.

Leonard’s working on his presentation, but he glances up briefly as they tromp down the steps.

“Bye, Church!” Caboose says, and Church has a second to brace himself before Caboose gives him a hug.

Church relaxes into it despite being uncomfortably aware that Leonard is right there. There’s just no fighting Caboose’s hugs. It’s like trying to stand still during an avalanche. He pats Caboose’s arm and says, “Yeah, bye.”

He’s half-expecting, half-hoping Caboose will end the night by going in for a hug like he did with Huggins, but instead Caboose just gives Leonard a wave. “Bye, Church’s dad.”

“Good night,” Leonard says, a little curtly.

Tucker doesn’t say anything to Leonard, just says, “See you tomorrow,” at Church.

When the door closes behind them, Leonard clears his throat. “So those are your...friends.”

Church starts to bristle, before he realizes Leonard sounds thoughtful. He still eyes Leonard warily. “Yeah, I have friends. Why’s that so surprising? What, did you think I was gonna pay some mortals to pretend to be my besties?”

“No,” Leonard says slowly. “I just didn’t believe you would take that risk.”

“Risk?” Church repeats. Then understanding hits. For all that he was calling Caboose and Tucker mortals a second ago, he never really lets himself think about what that means. He gets a little queasy just thinking about it. He shrugs, jamming his hands into the pockets of his sweatshirt. “Yeah, well, Caboose decided I was his best friend, and you can't really argue with Caboose.” He snorts. “Well, you _can_ , but you'll just get a headache.”

It’s supposed to be a joke, but Leonard nods like Church just offered a reasonable explanation. “Nevertheless….”

“Nevertheless?” Church repeats, this time mockingly. “Talk like a guy from this century, Leonard. And _you_ try arguing with him and see how it goes.” He smirks at him. “Good luck.”

“My presentation is giving me more than enough of a headache,” Leonard says dryly. “And nevertheless is still used. Perhaps not by youths, but--”

“ _Youths_?”

* * *

Carolina enters the brownstone so distracted that she doesn’t notice her dad until he says her name. Then she jumps, heart skipping in her chest.

“It’s not Tuesday,” she says instinctively, and then feels stupid when her dad sighs.

“I didn’t mean to imply that I couldn’t visit on other days. But as a matter of fact Emily was assisting me with a presentation I’m delivering this weekend. ...At least until she was called into work.”

“Oh,” Carolina says. She pushes down the disappointment that he isn't here as a surprise. She glances at the stacks of paper without much interest. Then she thinks about Wash's questions and her own. She hesitates. She could ask her dad about next year. But she's not sure what she wants his answer to be, and besides, asking about next year means talking about her mom, and that's something they've both been avoiding. Instead she says, "I guess you can't really work on stuff if I'm around, right? I'll see you on Tuesday."

“I can spare a few minutes,” her dad says. “I've hardly been working uninterrupted.” Confused, Carolina watches a rueful smile tug at the corner of his mouth. "I've been introduced to Tucker and Caboose.”

Carolina’s startled again, this time into laughter. She can’t even imagine how that went, except as a disaster. At least it seems to be a disaster her dad’s amused by. “I’m kind of sorry I missed that.” She smiles a little. “Did Caboose try to hug you?”

“No.”

“Weird. He hugged Doctor Huggins.”

The corner of her dad’s mouth twitches, like she’s made a joke.

For a second they both stand there. She has the faint urge to ask him about next year while he’s in a pretty good mood. But the impulse passes. She remembers the movie before everything got awkward at Wash’s. “I watched _The Wizard of Oz_.”

“You did? I’m curious for your thoughts.”

Carolina shrugs, and then elaborates. “It was okay. I think I would’ve liked it better as a kid. But I see what you mean. I probably shouldn't go around singing 'Ding dong, the witch is dead' if I visit the Other Realm.”

“...I would not advise it, no.”

* * *

The next Tuesday, things are weird at dinner. It takes Carolina a minute to figure out why.

Church is slouching in his chair, but less like he’s trying to melt into the floor and more like he’d rather be upstairs eating in front of his TV. His air of sullenness has been dialed down from twelve to seven, too, though he still keeps his eyes on her dad as he sits down. Carolina almost believes the dinner is going to be peaceful. Then Church smirks and drawls, “I guess the academy didn't kick you out.”

Her dad raises an eyebrow. “Thank you for your concern,” he says dryly. “They did not.”

Grey giggles. “Though I hear dear Doctor Huggins did--”

“ _Emily_ ,” her dad protests, sounding pained as Church snickers.

Church and her dad mostly ignore each other for the rest of dinner, but Carolina’s counting it as progress.

**Author's Note:**

>  **Fun trivia fact:**
> 
> Despite Carolina's reactions in the episode, Carolina's actor is actually a huge fan of _The Wizard of Oz_. Her first acting role was playing a Munchkin in her school play. Unfortunately for her, after this episode there was apparently a moratorium of talking about the movie on set because everyone apparently got sick of getting earwormed with Ding Dong the Witch is Dead.


End file.
